In the midst of the WGA strike, I feel the need to let you all know the many important lessons that I’ve learned from movies and TV over the years. So, in no particular order, here it is:
1. If a volcano erupts, call Tommy Lee Jones or Pierce Brosnan.
2. If an asteroid is heading towards Earth, call Bruce Willis and Ben Affleck.
3. If there’s an alien invasion, call Will Smith.
4. If there’s a new Ice Age, call Dennis Quaid and Jake Gyllenhal.
5. What not to do during your show’s season finale: (a) get on a plane, (b) plan a “dream vacation”, (c) confess your love for someone, (d) agree to meet someone at a specific place at a specific time.
6. The avalanche has begun. It is too late for the pebbles to vote.
7. Never invite Angela Lansbury to a dinner party.
8. Losers whine about their best. Winners go home and fuck the prom queen.
9. If you run for president, never EVER choose Powers Boothe as your VP.
10. If the doorbell rings and Rod Serling is at the door, do not, under any circumstances, let him in the house. In fact, it’s best to call the cops and make sure he’s as far away from your house/place of business as possible. Weird shit happens every place that dude goes.
11. Sometimes it’s just a guy in a mask.
12. You should have boards in these…bloody savage.
13. Sometimes it isn’t just a guy in a mask.
14. Robots will rebel…it’s just a matter of time.
15. Zombies on the rampage? Aim for the head, dumbass!
Words to live by…trust me, kids.