Category Archives: humor

Top 10 Fictional Characters I Wouldn’t Mind Snogging at Midnight: 2016 Edition

It worked last year, so might as well do it again.

1. Cable McCrory

cable-mccrory

A snarky computer expert with an endless supply of flannel? Yeah, not my type at all.

2. Claire Temple

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I hear she likes coffee…

3. Jamie Campbell

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Spunky, redhead journalist? Sold. Plus, she clearly has a thing for brilliant-but-arrogant assholes…so, win.

4. Jesse Quick

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Love a woman in uniform.

5. Jessica Jones

jessica-jones

Jessica would snap me in half before the clock finished striking midnight. So. Worth. It.

6. Patterson

patterson-2

We’d take a break from the Twilight Zone marathon…

7. Wanda Maximoff

wanda-maximoff

Maybe I didn’t fully get over my Goth/The Craft phase.

8. Jane Porter

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I regret nothing.

9. Ellie Bishop

ellie-bishop

A quirky genius with an eidetic memory and a love of food? Yes, good.

10. Karen Page

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Drawn to closed-off men with deep psychological issues. Score!

BONUS: Lana Lang

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Ginger. Engineer. Superhero.

Top 10 Fictional Characters I Wouldn’t Mind Snogging at Midnight

In honor of New Year’s Eve, I thought I’d throw together a list of fictional characters I wouldn’t mind sharing a snog with at midnight.

1. Caitlin Snow

caitlin snow

The odds that we would both leave our safe places on the same night are slim…but, if it did happen, it was meant to be, right?

2. Cassandra Cillian

cassandra cillian

STEM ginger. ‘Nuff said.

3. Thea Queen

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Thea’s still a little stabby…but it would be worth the risk.

4. Amy Santiago

amy santiago

Snogging at midnight, followed by days of filling out paperwork and filing reports…I’m in!

5. Patty Spivot

patty pivot

SPIVOT! We’d have to stop babbling awkwardly to actually get to the kiss, but I think we could handle it.

6. Rey

rey

Not entirely sure how this would work, but…

7. Kara Danvers

kara danvers

Not Supergirl. This is an important distinction.

8. Bobbi Morse

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I’ve got a thing for scientists. Especially amazonian scientists who could kick my ass without breaking a sweat.

9. Linda Park

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Linda is super awesome. Man…what is in the water in Central City?!?

10. Jessica Warren

jessica warren

It might take some work to get over the weird home-schooled commune thing, but there is our mutual love of BSG.

 

Captain Whiz Bang: Five Actresses Who Could Play Captain Marvel

With Marvel’s recent announcement of a Captain Marvel movie coming our way in 2018, the hunt is on for an actress to fill the lead role of Carol Danvers, the USAF pilot-turned-superhero.

Here are five actresses who could do some serious damage as Captain Marvel.

1. Katee Sackhoff

Katee Sackhoff (Victoria "Vic" Moretti

If there’s a female version of Nathan Fillion, it’s Sackhoff. Her name is tossed around any project with even the slightest hint of “geek appeal.” Kara “Starbuck” Thrace, Sackhoff’s Battlestar Galactica character, is the spiritual cousin of Carol Danvers: a hotshot pilot ready to punch her way out of any problem that her mouth gets her in.

2. Yvonne Strahovski

yvonne strahovski

Strahovski, like Sackhoff, has already played a Danvers-esque character on television. Chuck‘s Sarah Walker punched, kicked, and shot her way through spies and assassins. If there’s one difference between Walker and Starbuck, it’s that Strahovski played her role with a little less insubordination.

3. Jennifer Morrison

jennifer morrison

Perhaps best known for her work on House and How I Met Your Mother, Jennifer Morrison has spent the last several years fighting dragons and evil queens on Once Upon A Time. Morrison could bring a more world-weary, seen-it-all approach to Carol.

4. Katheryn Winnick

katheryn winnick

Vikings‘ Winnick has expressed an interest in entering the Marvel Cinematic Universe, going so far as to post some fanart. Not only is Winnick experienced with action roles, but she’s also a skilled martial artist in what you people call “the real world.”

5. Jeri Ryan

jeri ryan

Jeri Ryan certainly has the genre cred. She’s also known for playing powerful, no-nonsense women capable of holding their own in a room full of men. How much would you be willing to pay to see Ryan’s Danvers go toe-to-toe with RDJ’s Tony Stark?

Honorary Mention: Natalie Dormer

The Heat - Gala Screening - Red Carpet Arrivals

There’s a fairly vocal group of Dormer fans pushing for her to land the role of Captain Marvel. Personally, I’d rather see her play the Enchantress. But, that’s just me.

Yet Another 10 Fictional Characters I Would Totally Marry

Every so often, I like to make lists of fictional characters who I would totally marry. I wanted to post this for Valentine’s Day, but I didn’t get around to compiling the newest list until a few days ago.

1. Jemma Simmons

Jemma Simmons

Oh, Agent Simmons. You are smart. You are awkward. You are British. You have a closet full of ties and sweaters. What’s not to love?

2. Snow White

Snow White

In the world of Jim C. Hines’ Princess novels, Snow White, Cinderella, and Sleeping Beauty are secret agents working for Cinderella’s mother-in-law, Queen Beatrice. Snow is feisty and flirty. She fights the forces of evil using mirror magic and throwing stars shaped like snowflakes.

3. Myka Bering

Myka Bering

If Hermione Granger were American, she would be Myka Bering. Myka loves the rules and is a bit of a nerd (and she has the insanely adorable glasses to prove it). But, she can also kick serious ass when she has to, especially if it means wielding Excalibur.

4. Martha Jones

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Martha Jones: The Companion That Fans Forgot. She’s a doctor and she works for UNIT…she’s basically a 21st century Liz Shaw. Gotta love a doctor.

5. Raine Benares

Raine Benares

Raine is an elf, a magic-user, and a seeker (which basically means she’s a private detective). She’s also a bit of a rogue, which happens when most of your relatives are pirates. Raine knows her way around a sword fight, something that comes in handy when her mouth gets her into trouble. Which happens quite a bit.

6. The Mother

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The Mother is both perfect for Ted and too good for him. Okay, maybe that last part is a bit unfair…but, gosh, she’s so freaking awesome.

7. Anna

Anna

I had to create a whole system of royal succession for Arendelle in order to convince myself that Anna is at least 18.

8. Sif

THOR

The thing I love most about Sif (other than the fact that she is gorgeous and armed) is that she fights for the same reason every other Asgardian does. She’s not out there to avenge a murdered lover or child. No. She’s fighting because she likes it, because she’s good at it, and because it’s what her people do.

9. Clara Oswin Oswald

Clara Oswin Oswald

The dimples are irresistible. But, on top of that, Clara’s fashion sense would probably mean I’d spend the rest of my life looking pretty darned dapper.

10. Tauriel

Tauriel

Redhead. Archer. Shut up.

10 More Fictional Characters I Would Totally Marry

In August of 2010, I wrote a list of the ten fictional characters I would totally marry. That list was far from exhaustive because (a) there are a lot of awesome characters out there, and (b) I have a lot of love to give.

1. Parker

Parker didn’t make the first list because, at the time, she was barely capable of interacting with the mailman much less a significant other. A relationship with Parker might not be normal…but sometimes normal is overrated.

2. Ezri Dax

Jadzia Dax was a dude. A breathtaking, leggy dude to be sure, but a dude. Jadzia was the Dax who’d meet you at Quark’s for a pint and a game of darts, tell a few dirty jokes, and then run off and join a band of aging Klingons on a mission to reclaim their honor. But Ezri… Ezri was a bundle of neuroses wrapped up in a determined and adorable spotted little pixie.

3. Kim Pine

Redhead. Drummer. Shut up.

4. Romana II

Since 2005, nearly every fictional boyfriend/husband list has included the Doctor. Well, dammit, I want a Time Lord, too. The second Romana traded her previous incarnation’s haughty, aristocratic demeanor for a quirkiness and sense of adventure more suitable for one of the Doctor’s traveling companions. Also: just look at that smile!

5. Claudia Donovan

I might not know the first thing about computers, but Claudia and I could totally geek out over Doctor Who. Plus, bagging and tagging a potentially deadly artifact sounds like an awesome romantic evening.

6. Cally Henderson

Cally might look like an ordinary knuckledragger, but she’s got spunk. Not only did she pop a cap in the Cylon who tried to assassinate Adama, but she also bit off the ear of a prisoner who tried to attack her. See? Spunk.

7. Scarlett

Where do I even start? Trained in counter intelligence and covert ops; a skilled acrobat and martial artist; deadly with a crossbow. Scarlett has it all.

8. Abigail “Abby” Sciuto

Abby just…is. She defies categorization. Her love of gothic fashion would seem to contradict her generally upbeat and compassionate demeanor, but all of these disparate characteristics are what make Abby awesome.

9. Annie Edison

I adore Rory Gilmore. Truly and deeply. But, I’ve always said that my perfect woman would be a mix of Rory and Paris Geller. I think it’s fair to say that Annie fits that bill.

10. Belle

An intelligent, compassionate, independent bibliophile who’s capable of seeing the warmth and kindness buried beneath a bestial exterior.

The Greatest Thing I Found on the Internet in 2010

The Internet is full of many things–cats, tubes, porn–but, the greatest thing to be found online in 2010 was Upright Citizens Brigader Rachel Bloom’s hilariously inappropriate ode to sci-fi legend Ray Bradbury:

I have:

  • watched this video more times than I can count.
  • bought this song on iTunes.
  • repeatedly wished I were Ray Bradbury.

Top 10 Fictional Characters I Would Totally Marry

As these things often do, this list began life as part of a conversation on Twitter and it just kinda snowballed from there (also as these things often do). So, without further ado…

1. Kitty Pryde

Kitty’s mutant power allows her to walk through walls. But, she doesn’t need any special powers to walk into my heart.

2. Amy Pond

Redhead. Scottish. Shut up.

3. Stephanie Brown

I stand by my belief that, unless otherwise stated in the text, all fictional college students are at least 18 years old.

4. Kaywinnit Lee “Kaylee” Frye

Kaylee: “Wash, tell me I’m pretty.”

Wash: “Were I unwed, I would take you in a manly fashion.”

Kaylee: “Cuz I’m pretty?”

Wash: “Cuz you’re pretty.”

5. Veronica Mars

Intelligent. Tough. And frequently emotionally unavailable. Yup, right in my wheelhouse.

6. Rory Gilmore

Rory’s smart. She’s neurotic. She’s addicted to caffeine. ‘Nuff said.

7. Barbara Gordon

More than anything else, I may be most concerned that two (yes, two) characters on this list have been (or are) Batgirl.

8. Winifred “Fred” Burkle

Okay, okay…so I have a big wheelhouse. It has many rooms.

9. Marion Ravenwood

Marion. Ravenwood. Have you seen Raiders of the Lost Ark?

10. Jaina Solo

Jedi. Pilot. Plus her parents are Han Solo and Princess Leia.