The Situation: Let’s face it, sometimes you have a problem that’s just too big for one person–whether that person’s a swashbuckler, an ass-kicking chick, a P.I., or a Hollywood tough guy. In times like this, you need to turn to a group of experts. They could be ex-military, disgruntled conspiracy theorists, talented amateurs, or something else entirely.
The Criteria: I’ve always been partial to stories about a group of people with varying skills who come together to do something they believe in (I assume this is one of the reasons I love Michael Crichton novels and the works of Joss Whedon). So, while it might be just as effective to hire brainless muscle in certain situations, I would still prefer to give my money to a team that had the muscle, the tech guy, a mechanical genius, etc.
1. The A-Team (John “Hannibal” Smith, Templeton “Faceman” Peck, H.M. Murdock, & B.A. Baracus)
The show’s opening said it all: “If you have a problem. If no one else can help. Then, if you can find them, maybe you could hire the A-Team.” From expending a ridiculous amount of ammo to take down crooked businessmen to building an armored assault vehicle out of spare parts and a bicycle, these guys could do anything, all in the name of the helpless and the downtrodden.
2. The Lone Gunmen (John Fitzgerald Byers, Melvin Frohike & Richard Langly)
Sure, they’re paranoid conspiracy theorists more interested in debunking the Moon Landing than fighting regular crime, but when you get down to it, The Lone Gunmen can usually pull their shit together long enough to help out in a fight. If you need a computer hacked, a video analyzed, or sleazy photos to use as blackmail (and you can put up with an endless ramble about the “Magic Bullet” or Dungeons & Dragons), then the Lone Gunmen might be your guys.
3. The Team from Sneakers (Martin Bishop, Donald Crease, Erwin “Whistler” Emory, Carl Arbogast, & Darryl “Mother” Roskow)
What do you get when you combine a former 60s radical on the run from the Feds, a former C.I.A. agent, a blind sound specialist, a teenage hacker, and a daffy technical genius? You get the team from Sneakers. Whether you want to check your company’s security system or retrieve a top-secret, hi-tech dingus, these are the guys.
4. Angel Investigations (Angel, Spike, Charles Gunn, Winifred “Fred” Burkle, Wesley Wyndam-Pryce, & Lorne)
There are things out there that normal folks (even the A-Team) can’t handle. If your little brother is possessed or your teenage daughter is dating a hell-beast from an unearthly slime-pit, your best bet is to go to the folks at Angel Investigations. They’ve had a lot of staff changes over the years, but given the choice, I’d have to go with the line-up from the first half of Season 5.