Let's Cast…THE NEW MUTANTS

A while back, Disney bought Marvel and, once the nerds stopped their infernal bitching, they were able to read this story. Could we be getting a New Mutants movie? God, I hope so. I mean, I hate teenagers and most stories about teenagers, but I do love me some New Mutants. Maybe it’s because when I first started reading comics, the first team of New Mutants had just formed and they were only a little older than I was. Whatever, I don’t care. The fact is, they might be making a New Mutants movie. If nothing else, it will finally give Hollywood an excuse to cast a bunch of zygotes in a superhero movie.

The Plot: As always, let’s keep this shit simple. Someone–or something–has been terrorizing the southwestern states of the U.S. Now, this malevolent force is heading towards Boulder, CO,  where Dani Moonstar grew up. With the rest of the X-Men away doing something adult and boring (like fighting for their civil rights or some other lame-ass bullshit), it’s up to the junior varsity team to handle the situation. When the New Mutants investigate, they come face to face with the vicious Demon Bear.

The Cast: I know very little about actors born after 1990, so this wasn’t the easiest thing in the world for me to do. Also, even though this movie is part of the X-Men franchise, there will be no fucking Wolverine! Maybe…maybe…Patrick Stewart could show up in either the beginning or the end as Xavier, but I don’t want Hugh Jackman sniffing around anywhere near this set.

Bug Hall as Cannonball/Samuel Guthrie

I hated Cannonball for a long time. He always struck me as a Junior Cyclops, a nice guy but sorta dull and by-the-book. Lately, though, I’ve come around to liking the guy. To me, Cannonball’s defining characteristic is his height, and Bug Hall clocks in at around 6′ 2″. Plus, the kid’s from Texas and played Alfalfa in the Little Rascals movie, so I’m sure Bug could handle playing the son of a Kentucky coal miner.

Selena Gomez as Danielle “Dani” Moonstar

Selena plays a wizard or something on the Disney Channel, right? Okay, so playing a mutant shouldn’t be too much of a stretch. I wonder how she’d feel about learning how to use a bow and arrow…

Corbin Bleu as Sunspot/Roberto “Bobby” da Costa

I tried to find a young Brazilian actor who looked like he was capable of more than just standing around in his underwear and gazing dreamily into the camera. Didn’t work out too well. So, instead, I decided to find someone who looked like what I imagine Bobby would look like. That’s when I found Corbin.

Karen Gillan as Rahne Sinclair/Wolfsbane

Gillan’s a redhead and a Scot, can we do better than that? Now, for most of her appearances, Rahne sported a crew cut…but, when she returned to Xavier’s school after losing her powers, she had grown her hair out. Of course, she had also abandoned her usual shy, retired personality for one of mock-rebellion. I honestly don’t care is Gillan plays the role with long or short hair (although cutting that hair would be a crime), but I would prefer a Wolfsbane who was more mousy than brash.

Jessica Weixler as Magik/Illyana Rasputin

Magik’s kind of tricky. On one hand, she’s a mutant who can create discs that teleport herself and others across dimensions. On the other hand, she’s a half-demon sorceress and the ruler of Limbo. There’s also been that whole aging, de-aging, re-aging thing. Maybe this movie could briefly touch on Magik’s sorcery and then explore it more in a sequel. Either way, I think Weixler looks the part.

Kelly Vitz as Karma/Xi’an McCoy

Karma started off as the team leader, then “died” and was replaced by Cannonball. I’m only really familiar with the team under Sam’s leadership, but have no problem with Karma leading the team in the movie (it’s not like Sean Connery is in it and can’t take orders from a woman).

Evanna Lynch as Magma/Amara Aquilla

Magma’s backstory is kind of a mess. But, she can turn into and control lava and that’s kind of awesome. Plus, Lynch is so delightfully bizarre in the Harry Potter movies that I want her to get as much work as possible.

Chris Colfer as Cypher/Douglas Ramsey

I hate Cypher. Hate. He has a ridiculous power…the power of translating. Really? So, he’s C-fucking-3PO? The kid had no place in the field, no wonder he bought it in the comics. Anyway…I’m sure people will be clamoring for Warlock to show up eventually, so introducing Cypher somewhere in the first movie will make his sudden appearance in the Warlock sequel less jarring. And, I must admit, I do like this Colfer kid.

Jake Thomas as Legion/David Haller

I’m not sure if Legion was intended to be a main antagonist in the New Mutants comic…but, for some reason, when I think of Legion, I think of the New Mutants. This seems to be somewhat justified by the fact that the first arc of the new comic series focused on the return of Legion. Anyway…a mutant with multiple personalities, many with mutant powers of their own? Sounds cool to me. And, who knows, one of those personalities may manifest itself as a monstrous demon bear…

Hot Dog! We Have A Wiener

And, the winner of the First Annual LET’S CAST… Contest is–

Mando, who submitted the Star Wars: Legacy of the Force series.

Thanks to everyone who entered, and congrats to Mando!  You’ll see my picks for Jaina, Jacen, Mara, Ben, and “all the rest” posted here as soon as possible.

Ya Gotta Be In It To Win It, Kids.

Clock’s ticking, cats and kittens.  You have four more days to enter the First Annual LET’S CAST… Contest.  Just go here and leave a comment telling me what movie you’d like me to cast.

I serve at the pleasure of the President.

No…wait, that’s Rob Lowe, Richard Schiff, and Allison Janney…

Yes.  I just made a West Wing reference.

The First Annual LET'S CAST… Contest

Drown the kids and shoot the neighbors, it’s time for the FIRST ANNUAL LET’S CAST… CONTEST!

That’s right, folks.  It’s time for you, my loyal readers, to submit ideas for my next LET’S CAST… post.  What does that mean, exactly?  Well, for starters, it means that I’ve run out of my own ideas and, like every other hack writer before me, I’ve decided to strip mine the brains of others.  The plump, sweet, juicy, life-sustaining brains of others.  But, it also means that you will get to make me your own private dancing monkey for however long it takes me to crank out a brilliantly witty dream cast for whatever project wins the coveted first place slot.

So, what are you waiting for?  Have a favorite book, comic, play, or old TV show that you’d love to see on the big screen?  Was there a movie that had a really cool premise, but whose cast was so horrible that it made you wanna go out and drop kick the first three-legged blind puppy you saw?

If you answered “Yes” to either of the above queries, simply leave a comment and tell me which movie you’d like me to cast.  Whichever suggestion is the most interesting (or, depending on my mood, the easiest) will win and you’ll get to see your entry after it’s been smacked around by the enchanted LET’S CAST… Shillelagh (trust me, like laws and sausage, you do not want to see how a LET’S CAST… list is actually made, it ain’t pretty).

What are you waiting for, Sally?  Make with the comments…

Let's Cast…THE DRESDEN FILES

I’ve sung the praises of Jim Butcher’s Dresden Files series numerous times in this blog.  How can you not love a series that stars a private detective who just so happens to be a wizard?  There was an attempt by the Sci-Fi Channel to make a series based on Harry Dresden’s adventures.  It was okay…but it wasn’t really Butcher’s world.  (I will say this: if not for the Sci-Fi Channel, I might never have picked up Storm Front and would currently be living a Dresden-free lifestyle.  Which would be, y’know, just wrong.)  One of the main problems is that the world in Butcher’s novels is a fairly complex one.  There are wizards and vampires and faeries.  White Councils and Wardens and Red Courts.  Another problem is that folks probably have very different ideas of what these characters look like.  But, never one to shy away from hypothetical controversy (actual controversy is a different story…that can stay over there), I’ve decided to cast a Dresden Files movie.

The Plot: Like I said, there’s a whole lot going on in Butcher’s books.  There are more secondary and tertiary characters than in Lord of the Rings and Harry Potter combined.  There’s a history–not just Harry’s personal history, but the history of magic and wizards, in general.  There’s politics and war and diplomatic wrangling.  Plus there’s whatever case that Harry is working on in a given book.  See, a lot.  So, I have no idea what the plot of a Harry Dresden movie would be.  Would it just be the plot of the first book (Storm Front), or something that deals with one of the longer arcs in the series?

The Cast (In addition to the characters who have been there since page one, there are numerous characters who first appeared in later novels, but have since gone on to become more or less permanent fixtures in Harry’s life.  I’ve picked some of the more prominent, while knowingly ignoring others for reasons of time and space.  Also, some of these may be SPOILER-y, so if you haven’t been keeping up with the Dresden books, you may want to turn back.  Thank you, that is all.):

Clive Owen as Harry Blackstone Copperfield Dresden

It’s not easy finding someone to fill Harry’s leather duster.  He’s an irreverent wise-ass in the best hardboiled tradition.  He also happens to be a little above average height and somewhat lanky.  Now, I would never call Clive Owen “above average height and somewhat lanky”; however, I think he’s proven that he can handle hardboiled wise-assery in both Sin City and Shoot ‘Em Up.

Naomi Watts as Sgt. Karrin Murphy

The “small, but fierce” Sgt. Murphy is not only Dresden’s friend on the Chicago Police Force, but also one of his few friends, period.  Despite being a petite blonde with a cute button nose, Murphy can kick ass with the best of them, including winning numerous martial arts competitions.  If nothing else, Watts is a petite blonde; but, I also think she could probably pull off Murphy’s tough-as-nails exterior.

Michael Bowen as Warden Donald Morgan

As a Warden for the White Council, Morgan acts as both Special Forces and Internal Affairs for the wizard community.  He’s been around since book one, keeping an eye on Dresden because the Council feared that Harry was (or would soon be) dabbling in the dark magics.  I was this close to casting Keith Carradine when I decided to go for a non-Carradine Carradine: Keith’s half-brother Michael Bowen.

Rashida Jones as Susan Rodriguez

Susan was a tabloid reporter for The Midwestern Arcane (think Carl Kolchak, but hotter).  She was also Harry’s girlfriend, at least before she was infected by a vampire of the Red Court.

Cillian Murphy as Thomas Raith

Thomas Raith is a vampire of the White Court.  White Court vampires feed off of emotional energy; in the case of the Raith family, the emotions they prefer are lust, passion and/or desire.  Thomas, like all White vampires, radiates sexual energy, making him pretty damned irresistible even if he’s not trying to be.  As half-brothers, Thomas and Harry share several physical attributes, although Thomas takes it to a more idealized “Greek god” degree.  Cillian Murphy could almost be a prettier version of Clive Owen…if you squint just right and look away from the screen.

Nathan Fillion as Michael Carpenter

Michael Carpenter is a Knight of the Cross.  He is charged with using one of three swords–which happen to have one of the nails from Christ’s Crucifixion forged into the blade–to combat the forces of Hell.  Michael is a devout man, whose faith sometimes confuses (and angers) Harry.  But, Harry never doubts Michael’s friendship, love for his family, or ability to be where he’s needed when he’s needed.  Fillion (in addition to being the obligatory Whedonite on these lists) has that quiet strength that you need for Michael.

Jason Lee as Bob the Skull

Wizard’s don’t do so well around technology invented after 1950, so Bob acts as Harry’s laptop and magical database.  Bob is a spirit of the air who inhabits a human skull in Harry’s basement lab.  Since he takes on the personality traits of his owners, since coming into Harry’s possession, Bob has become a bit of an obstinate smart-ass.  He’s also a bit of a letch, so you need someone who can leer with their voices, and I think Jason Lee has one of the more inherently leer-y and smart-ass-y voices around.

Adrian Pasdar as “Gentleman” Johnnie Marcone

“Gentleman” Johnnie is the top dog in Chicago’s human underworld, although he frequently finds himself embroiled in many of Dresden’s supernatural cases.  Marcone may be a mobster, but he also possesses an almost Old World code of honor, which is probably how he managed to get himself appointed as a freelord under the Unseelie Accords (a set of loose rules that govern the members of the magical world).  Pasdar has made a career playing cold, calculating individuals who aren’t above bending the rules if it serves their personal ends.

Donald Sutherland as Ebenezar McCoy

The cranky and crotchety McCoy (maybe it’s the name?) is a senior member of the White Council, as well as Harry’s old mentor–well, the one that survived.  He’s also the Council’s Blackstaff, a wizard who is allowed to operate outside of the Seven Laws of Magic to do the Council’s “wetwork.”  Honestly, the only reason I picked Sutherland (other than the fact that he’s awesome) is that I think he looks positively deranged when he’s all scruffy and dishevelled–doesn’t he look like a centuries-old wizard from the backwoods of Missouri?

Monica Bellucci as The Leanansidhe (or Lea)

Lea is (quite literally) Harry’s faerie godmother.  She’s a powerful member of the Winter Court of Faerie and, as such, is not to be trusted.  She’s not above deceit or manipulation (or pain, to be honest) to get what she wants.  Bellucci has an almost otherworldly quality about her that would fit Lea perfectly.  Plus, it’ll be fun to see her get to play opposite Clive Owen again.

Let's Cast…BATMAN'S ROGUES GALLERY

So, there’s this little independent movie called The Dark Knight (maybe you’ve heard of it?) that’s doing really well at the box office. So well, in fact, that almost as soon as it opened, the internets were abuzz with geek-chatter and rumors about who was going to be in the next Batman flick. Some of these ideas have been pretty spot-on, some have been okay, and some have been just wrong (see below).

As a service to DC, Warner Brothers, and you, Mr. and Mrs. Internet, I’ve compiled a list of some of Batman’s better known (more or less) rogues and who I think should play them in any upcoming sequels. Unfortunately, two of Bruce’s foes–Killer Croc and Man-Bat–were just too weird for me to convincingly think of a way to fit them into the uber-realistic Batman world that Christopher Nolan’s crafted for his films.

Anyways…here we go:

Angelina Jolie as Catwoman

Although I won’t deny that she’s a good-looking gal, I’ve always found Ms. Jolie to be more than a little terrifying. But, as a lot of folks have been saying, Catwoman has been the role that Jolie’s been auditioning for in every movie she’s ever made.

Timothy Olyphant as The Riddler

The rumors are linking Johnny Depp to the role of The Riddler. Now, I like Depp as much as the next straight guy, but I think it would be too easy to let him take Riddler down the twitchy, shuffling road that Heath Ledger’s Joker walked. No, I think Olyphant (Deadwood, Live Free or Die Hard) can pull off Riddler’s cold, calculating narcissism perfectly. When an Olyphant character thinks that he’s better than everyone else in the room, you believe it.

Johnny Depp as Mad Hatter

I think Hatter is a much better fit for Depp. I see Nolan’s Jervis Tetch being a combination of Sweeney Todd and Willy Wonka…and that would be truly frightening.

Bob Hoskins as The Penguin

Hey, everyone who thinks that Philip Seymour Hoffman should play Penguin, have you even read a Batman comic? Two, maybe two-and-a-half Cobblepots could fit into one of Hoffman’s suits. As much as I liked Tim Burton’s mutant freak Penguin, I also really dig what DC has done with the character in the last few years–turning him into a more-or-less legitimate businessman, who also happens to be a black-market arms dealer, among other things, making it hard for Brucie to run around and pound the stuffing out of him. Not only is Hoskins…um…physically perfect for the role, but he played such an awesome British gangster in The Long Good Friday, that I’d love to see him do it again in Gotham.

Christina Hendricks as Poison Ivy

Let’s downplay the “she can talk to and control plants” thing and focus on the “she’s a slightly off eco-terrorist” thing. She can still use toxins derived from exotic flora, and there’s no reason why Ivy can’t even possess her comic counterpart’s natural immunity to poisons. And who better to play the slinky redhead than a redhead who slinks her way through the halls of Sterling Cooper every week on Mad Men? And, if you don’t think that Christina Hendricks can be a homicidal loon, than you haven’t met Yo-Saff-Brig.

David Hyde Pierce as The Ventriloquist

What’s scarier than a puppet? How about a gangster puppet who may or may not be alive? Yeah, thought so. I know that Hyde Pierce has been tearing up Broadway lately, but I miss seeing him on the screen. I think he could bring the same kind of milquetoast fussiness that he brought to Niles Crane to the man behind Scarface.

Jeff Kober as Clayface

We’re going to have to alter Clayface a little bit to fit him into a Nolan-Batman flick. Sadly, gone will be the gooey mound of muck that I’ve come to love. But, we can keep the concept of him being a “Man of a Thousand Faces”-type actor. Only, this time, he uses his make-up skills to replace the people he kills–think Darkman, only evil and not so time-sensitive. Kober’s been around for a while and, besides being a little freaky to look at, he’s been under the make-up more than once, which I think would bring a bit of verisimilitude.

Ben Kingsley as Mr. Freeze

Arnold who? Forget the puns. Forget the ice-skating minions. When you get down to it, Mr. Freeze is a pretty intense villain. He’s a man who is physically and emotionally frozen. Since the loss of his wife, he’s devoid of any human feeling and seeks to make everyone else suffer the loss of their greatest love, as well. Can’t you picture Sir Ben as the shattered doc, systematically hunting down the people who he holds responsible for his wife’s death and watching, dispassionately, as they slowly freeze to death.

Steve Buscemi as Firefly

Not all of Batman’s foes are freakishly scarred lunatics. Some are just regular criminals who really enjoy their work–like the pyromaniac arsonist Garfield Lynns, a.k.a. Firefly. Sure, you couldn’t build an entire movie around Firefly, but if you had two factions (say, one led by Penguin and the other led by Riddler) who were trying to take over Gotham’s underworld, then an arsonist would certainly come in handy. And, let’s be honest, isn’t every movie better when Buscemi oozes across the screen? Yeah, I think so, too.

David Tennant as Calendar Man

Okay, guy dressed as Uncle Sam trying to steal the U.S. Constitution on the Fourth of July? Not scary. Pasty, basement-dwelling sociopath who crucifies three people on Easter? Scary. Don’t even get me started on the kind of body count he could have during the Twelve Days of Christmas. Calendar Man is a goofy name, but a dude who kills people according to the days of the week or the nearest holiday, can be kind of creepy. And, I’ve said it before, Doctor Who not withstanding, Tennant was pretty creepy in Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire.

Let's Cast…JUSTICE LEAGUE OF AMERICA

Marvel’s laying the groundwork for a film based on the Avengers, while DC appears incapable of doing the same for its premiere team: the Justice League of America. Why? Well, I’ll be fair and say that part of the blame probably goes to the WGA strike. Part of the blame also probably goes to casting that little wanker from The O.C. as the Flash–honestly, no one is going to get stoked about a movie starring that kid. DC should think about doing things “the Marvel Way” and introduce most of the Leaguers in their own movies before giving us the big team-up. But, when we do get a JLA movie, let’s not forget to make it awesome.

The Plot: When a seemingly unstoppable alien force invades Earth, only humanity’s greatest champions can stop them. But, these gods-among-men are used to working alone and doing things their own way. Can they learn to work as a team? And, when powerhouses like Superman, Wonder Woman, and Green Lantern are captured, can two “regular” heroes like Batman and Green Arrow rescue them?

The Cast:

Christian Bale as Batman/Bruce Wayne

Duh. Seriously, duh. He’s there. He has the suit. Use him, you dumb bastards.

Brandon Routh as Superman/Clark Kent

I wasn’t a huge fan of Superman Returns, but Routh wasn’t horrible. Besides, like Bale, he’s already played the role, so we’re stuck with him.

Morena Baccarin as Wonder Woman/Princess Diana

Someone (maybe Greg Rucka…maybe Joss Whedon) once said that as a character created by the Amazons of Ancient Greece, Wonder Woman never really looked Mediterranean. That was probably why Whedon wanted Brazilian beauty Baccarin to play the role while he was working on a Wonder Woman film. I say: “Why the hell not?”

Jeffrey Donovan as Green Lantern/Hal Jordan

Every week on Burn Notice, Donovan plays a former spy who’s good at what he does and knows it. That’s the kind of cocky arrogance you need in daredevil test-pilot-turned-galactic-cop Hal Jordan. (I have nothing against the other Lanterns, but since Hal is back amongst the living, I say we use him.)

Ryan Reynolds as The Flash/Wally West

I know, I know…I cast Reynolds as Hawkeye in Avengers–but to be honest, Reynolds was born to play Wally West. Wally’s my favorite Speedster, partly because he brings so much humanity to this modern-day pantheon. And, just for shits and giggles, let’s have a cameo by John Wesley Shipp as Jay Garrick.

Kenneth Branagh as Aquaman/Arthur Curry

Aquaman never gets any respect. He’s king of three-quarters of the Earth’s surface, for God’s sake. Branagh’s played Hamlet, so I think he could bring a bit of regal strength to the role of the King of the Ocean. I’d like to see a nice mix of the clean-cut “Orange Shirt” Aquaman and the long-haired “Underwater Hobo” Aquaman.

Lance Reddick as J’onn J’onzz, the Martian Manhunter

On The Wire, it almost seemed like Reddick was able to read everyone’s minds, so who better to play the telepathic Martian Manhunter? Can’t you just hear Reddick’s deep, authoritative voice rumbling through the theater’s speakers the first time J’onn’s voice is heard inside someone’s mind? Besides, he kind of looks like the revamped Manhunter.

Josh Holloway as Green Arrow/Oliver “Ollie” Queen

Yeah, I’ll admit it. It’s the goatee. But, it’s also the way that Holloway’s Sawyer thumbs his nose at authority every week on Lost. Who better to play the uber-liberal radical who distrusts superheroes and other authority figures?

Let's Cast…CAPTAIN MARVEL

I am not a big fan of Captain Marvel. I know next to nothing about the intricacies of his long and storied history. I do, however, love the basic premise: little kid transforms into giant muscle-man to fight the forces of evil, while retaining his idealistic child-like view of things. It’s a cool idea. A Captain Marvel movie has been spinning through the rumor mill for a while (as far as I know, Dwayne Johnson’s ready to go as Black Adam [see below]). I’d like to see them keep the basic premise–ie: don’t make Billy Batson some disaffected twenty-something whiner–and make a genuinely awesome movie. (NOTE: Remember movies like Goonies and Monster Squad, Hollywood? It’s okay to put kids in danger on film…it ain’t real!)

The Plot: Twelve years ago, husband and wife archaeologists, the Batsons, are betrayed by their associate Theo Adam and murdered over a strange golden scarab. When Adam goes to retrieve the scarab, it’s gone. Flash forward to the present day. Billy Batson has been in and out of foster homes since his parents’ death twelve years prior. He meets a strange old man who claims to be a wizard and leads him into a hidden cavern he calls “The Rock of Eternity.” The old man reveals himself to be Shazam and bestows upon Billy the ability to transform into Captain Marvel. Shazam also tells Billy that he has a twin sister and they are both in danger from the man who killed their parents: Black Adam. Billy must locate his sister Mary, find the gold scarab, and stop Black Adam.

The cast:

Jake Thomas as Billy Batson

There’s no reason why we can’t age Billy a little bit, make him about 15 or so. I think Thomas (the little brother from Lizzie McGuire) would make a pretty good Billy and, at 18, he can still convincing pull off 15 or 16.

Jerry O’Connell as Captain Marvel

Let’s face it, there are precious few people out there with “super-hero” physiques (it’s one of the problems with casting super hero movies). But, I think O’Connell has a mix of good-natured, boy-next-door charm and moderate buff-ness to pull off playing The Big Red Cheese. Plus, he really kicked ass when he voiced Cap in that episode of Justice League Unlimited.

Dwayne Johnson as Black Adam/Theo Adam/Teth-Adam

Look at him. ‘Nuff said.

Erick Avari as Shazam

I never quite understood why a character with clear ties to Ancient Egypt was always portrayed as a Gandalfian/Merlin-esque old white dude. Let “That Vaguely Middle Eastern and/or Egyptian Guy” from Stargate and The Mummy play Shazam. With his role as Mohinder’s dad on Heroes, Avari should have enough geek-cred these days.

Kristen Stewart as Mary (Bromfield) Batson

What can I say? I think that Stewart kid’s got spunk enough to play Billy’s long-lost twin sister. (And, if you thought it was easy finding a picture of non-Marvel Mary, think again!)

Mary Elizabeth Winstead as Mary Marvel

When Mary Batson calls upon the power of Shazam, she ages slightly less than her brother. Not only is Winstead a real cutie with legs that go on for days, but I also don’t think it’s that hard to imagine her being a somewhat older version of Kristen Stewart.

Kyle Gallner as Freddy Freeman/Captain Marvel, Jr.

If he can play Flash on Smallville, I think Gallner can handle playing Mary’s disabled best friend/potential love interest, Freddy Freeman. The wackiness will ensue when he’s the only one of the three Marvels who doesn’t age when empowered.

David Tennant as Mr. Tawky Tawny (voice)

I’m not sure how I’d manage to fit in the Marvels’ six-foot tall anthropomorphic tiger, but he should definitely be voiced by Tennant who, as the Tenth Doctor, manages to be both goofily foppish and kind of bad-ass. (Don’t believe me? Check out Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire.)

Joey Pantoliano as Dr. Thaddeus Sivana

He wouldn’t be a main adversary in the first movie, but why not take the opportunity to introduce one of the Marvels’ chief villains and set him up for a sequel? And, let’s be honest, no one does weasely and evil like Joey Pants!

Let's Cast…THE A-TEAM

Ever since Hollywood ran out of original ideas in 1993 and started strip-mining old movies and TV shows for ideas, one movie that I’ve been waiting for has been The A-Team. This was, by far, my favorite show growing up and, not surprising, one of the shows that my friends and I have played “Dream Cast” with since college. Now it looks like it might actually happen. John Singleton’s been attached to the project, and a tentative release date has been set.

The Plot: As with Avengers, let’s keep this sucker simple. Set it in the 80s. Have the Team be Vietnam vets like they’re supposed to be. Send them off to help some helpless folks against organized crime or crooked businessmen, with the MPs in hot pursuit. It worked for years on TV, it’ll work on the big screen.

And here’s the cast:

Michael Biehn as John “Hannibal” Smith

Hannibal’s tough. He needs to be smart and bad-ass and more than a little insane. Biehn’s got tough in spades. Plus, he’s grizzled up nicely since Terminator.

Rob Lowe as Templeton “Faceman” Peck

You’re probably saying “What the hell?” It’s easy to think of Face as just “the pretty boy”, but he was also pretty good in a fight. There’s a severe lack of pretty actors who also look like they could convincingly take on a bunch of thugs. Lowe has something. I don’t know what it is, but he has it.

Woody Harrelson as H.M. “Howling Mad” Murdock

Singleton’s actually looking at Harrelson to play everyone’s favorite insane pilot. To be honest, I’m more than a little pissed that I didn’t think of it myself. Woody’s perfect.

UPDATE: Y’know, Woody would be okay and all…but, that more I think about it, the more I think Alan Tudyk would do an amazing job as Murdock. He can play crazed pretty well, plus he has fictional pilot experience:

Ving Rhames as Bosco “B.A.” Baracus

B.A.’s just as tough to cast as Hannibal. He needs to be totally imposing when you first see him, but capable of turning into a huge pussycat whenever kids or old ladies are around. I think if Rhames can play Kojak, he probably has the chops to play B.A.

UPDATE: What the hell was I thinking? MMA fighter Kimbo Slice is B.A.

Kristen Bell as Amy Amanda Allen

Amy was the “civilian” reporter who sometimes helped the Team out, while supposedly writing an investigative piece on their exploits. Is she necessary for the movie? Probably not. But if you need that hard-to-find blend of girl-next-door sass and tough-as-nails sex appeal, you call Bell.

Keith Carradine as Col. Roderick Decker

Decker was the dude who chased the A-Team for most of the show’s run. A few years ago, I might have said Tommy Lee Jones should play him, but I think Jones might be tired playing a guy who chases the heroes around. Besides, Keith Carradine needs to be in more movies.

Let's Cast…THE AVENGERS

With Iron Man steamrolling its way through the box office, it looks like Marvel’s new film production arm is giving the green light to a bunch of movies, all leading up to The Avengers. Since Marvel is busy with Brand New Days and Secret Invasions, I thought I’d give them a hand with casting.

The Plot: Loki, Norse god of mischief, has come to Earth in an attempt to destroy his half-brother, Thor, once and for all. He tricks the Hulk into going on a rampage, forcing Nick Fury and SHIELD to assemble a team of heroes to take the Green Goliath down before he can cause too much destruction.

The Cast: Three of the main characters have already been cast in other movies–

Robert Downey, Jr. as Iron Man/Tony Stark

Samuel L. Jackson as Col. Nick Fury of SHIELD

Edward Norton as Dr. Bruce Banner

Here’s how I would fill out the rest of the cast:

Kevin McKidd as Captain America/Steve Rogers

A child of the Depression, Steve Rogers volunteered for a top secret experiment during WWII, becoming Captain America. Believed killed in action, Rogers was actually frozen in suspended animation for over 60 years. Though still awe-inspiring on the battlefield, Cap finds himself trying to come to grips with the 21st Century.

Sean Bean as Thor/Dr. Donald Blake

Son of Odin, a god amongst men. To learn humility, Thor was sent to Earth in the form of Donald Blake. However, when his wicked half-brother arrives, Thor does battle as only a god of Asgard can.

Michelle Monaghan as Wasp/Janet van Dyne

The brilliant and beautiful daughter of Vernon van Dyne, co-creator of the miniaturization technology known as “Pym” particles. When her father was killed during a break-in at his lab, Janet uses his invention to become the tiny, but deadly, Wasp.

Paul Walker as Ant-Man/Scott Lang

A petty thief and electronics whiz, Scott Lang was in the wrong place at the right time when he broke into the van Dyne home one night. Interrupting the men who had murdered Dr. van Dyne, Scott dons the Ant-Man costume and teams up with van Dyne’s daughter, Janet, to bring the murderers to justice.

Ryan Reynolds as Hawkeye/Clint Barton

Barton’s a highly trained Army sniper. When his unit is wiped out during one of the Hulk’s rampages, the cocky and arrogant marksman takes it upon himself to track the Jade Juggernaut and make him pay, a course of action that brings Barton face-to-face with Fury’s Avengers.

Alan Tudyk as Dr. Henry “Hank” Pym

Vernon van Dyne’s partner and co-creator of “Pym” particles. Dr. Pym had hoped to use the particles himself, but they reacted badly with his immune system, forcing him to abandon any dreams he may have had to be a hero. He joined Fury’s Avengers Initiative where he serves as head scientist and “exposition monkey.” Now he stands on the sidelines, watching the woman he loves fight injustice alongside another man. (Can you think of a better reason why he would create the evil robot Ultron in Avengers 2?)

Dylan Moran as Loki

When the Norse god of mischief learns that Thor has been banished to the mortal realm, he can’t help but come to see for himself. He encounters the Hulk during one of his rampages and tricks the Green Goliath into helping him torment his half-brother.